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Hello. I wish to remain anonymous, but I have a problem. I am a hopeless addict, and my drugs of choice...are funny t-shirts. The situation has become an issue lately. I have two things that are pressuring me on all sides to get rid of the closet-clog of funny t-shirts in my possession. One of these things is a need to update my wardrobe because I'm an official grown-up now. The other thing is a girlfriend who is trying to "help" me be more responsible. Since I need a job and I'm not done exploiting my girlfriend yet, I have to find a way to unload 200 t-shirts that are too vulgar for charitable organizations.
There is a website called EBAY where the most wonderful items can be bought for a relatively cheap price. One of these items happens to be a fully-functional, gently-used t-shirt cannon. Excuse me, but did you not hear me correctly? I said "t-shirt cannon." A weapon that shoots a t-shirt at 4 million miles an hour into stadium crowds using pressurized air. This cannon can be used, say, from the passenger side of my best friend's ride to give the poor and destitute free, funny t-shirts personally. They might get a bruise or two, but who can be angry after they get free t-shirts?
Okay, so perhaps that idea is a little aggressive. Maybe I need an idea that other people can enjoy instead of cower in fear from. I think this situation called for something wet and wild. A huge portion of these excess funny t-shirts are white. That means I should probably use them for an amazing wet t-shirt party. I just got really excited thinking about it. People don't have to even supply their own white t-shirt! I have plenty! I can issue white t-shirts and water pistols at the beginning of the party, get drunk, and watch the magic happen as nature takes its course.
The last time I checked, I'm pretty sure I wasn't an old southern lady. However, would it be weird for me to say that I've thought that quilting might be a pretty awesome way to put my old funny t-shirts to use. I don't know the first thing about quilting, but could you imagine how awesome that would be? Imagine cutting out the center design of all of my old funny t-shirts and making this huge quilt from them. It would probably be the greatest quilt ever made. All I have to do is learn how to quilt. On second thought, maybe paying some old lady on food stamps to do it would be better.
Well, problem solved. I may not be coming up with very plausible ideas, but at least I can show my girlfriend that I'm trying. I just really don't want to throw them out. I've had a lot of really good times in those funny t-shirts and I've spent a ton of money on them. At the very least, I'm going to just have to have a really awesome bonfire party where I ceremoniously burn them one by one. Hopefully, the wet t-shirt party idea will come through first. We'll see if you-know-who will let me.
There is a website called EBAY where the most wonderful items can be bought for a relatively cheap price. One of these items happens to be a fully-functional, gently-used t-shirt cannon. Excuse me, but did you not hear me correctly? I said "t-shirt cannon." A weapon that shoots a t-shirt at 4 million miles an hour into stadium crowds using pressurized air. This cannon can be used, say, from the passenger side of my best friend's ride to give the poor and destitute free, funny t-shirts personally. They might get a bruise or two, but who can be angry after they get free t-shirts?
Okay, so perhaps that idea is a little aggressive. Maybe I need an idea that other people can enjoy instead of cower in fear from. I think this situation called for something wet and wild. A huge portion of these excess funny t-shirts are white. That means I should probably use them for an amazing wet t-shirt party. I just got really excited thinking about it. People don't have to even supply their own white t-shirt! I have plenty! I can issue white t-shirts and water pistols at the beginning of the party, get drunk, and watch the magic happen as nature takes its course.
The last time I checked, I'm pretty sure I wasn't an old southern lady. However, would it be weird for me to say that I've thought that quilting might be a pretty awesome way to put my old funny t-shirts to use. I don't know the first thing about quilting, but could you imagine how awesome that would be? Imagine cutting out the center design of all of my old funny t-shirts and making this huge quilt from them. It would probably be the greatest quilt ever made. All I have to do is learn how to quilt. On second thought, maybe paying some old lady on food stamps to do it would be better.
Well, problem solved. I may not be coming up with very plausible ideas, but at least I can show my girlfriend that I'm trying. I just really don't want to throw them out. I've had a lot of really good times in those funny t-shirts and I've spent a ton of money on them. At the very least, I'm going to just have to have a really awesome bonfire party where I ceremoniously burn them one by one. Hopefully, the wet t-shirt party idea will come through first. We'll see if you-know-who will let me.
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